i recently noticed something funny about life. it goes something like this. when you are young you constantly search for reasons to stay alive. there are so many things to look forward to that you want to stay alive. but when you grow older, you start yearning for reasons that would stop you from killing yourself. i know that linguistically speaking it means the same thing, however there is world of difference between these two ideas. i dont know how many of you can really understand what i meant or even if you understood, would agree with me on this. let me try and illustrate a lil bit. when i was very young and in school i used to look forward to meeting up with my friends, to those rare lectures in school that inspired me in some way. i used to look forward to my summer holidays, eating out....i could go on. in short i had a stock of positive reinforcements compelling me to stay alive and live my life.
but that was all to change. gradually as i grew older i realized that i had very few things to look forward to, or another possibility being, i had the exact same things to look forward to but i didnt feel anything about it. my reasons for staying alive suddenly became boring and morbid at the same time. my parents would go mad with grief if i died or that their well being was my responsibility or something like that. the positive reinforcements were slowly getting transformed into decidedly negative ones. in short as mark twain would put it succintly life became work for me!
No comments:
Post a Comment